Recognize Anyone?

Spouse? Boyfriend? Family member? Coworker? Neighbor? Your kid’s soccer coach?

Disturbing

Not that there’s ever a good time to be a prostitute, but now is especially not a good time to be a prostitute in Baltimore. See here and here.

I passed the WJZ van on Nanticoke Street on the way home this afternoon. They were across the street from Amanda Bishop’s memorial. Here’s the segment the did tonight.

Better Than Coffee

I took my dog on an early morning walk around the neighborhood this morning and spotted the obligatory Dodge Neon parked along Bush Street next to the MTA bus yard. I saw a white guy (shock) in the driver’s seat and a slumped-over mess (shock) in the passenger seat. Hmm…wonder what that’s all about. Since the car was parked on the same side of the street we were walking down, I figured why not take a look. After all, they’re in my neighborhood and maybe they’re lost and need directions.

I know this is going to come as a shock to some people, but there was a junkie/prostitute digging in her arm with a needle and some middle-aged soccer dad with a chub in his khakis watching her do it. I walked right up to the passenger side window and bent down to look inside. The prostitute didn’t even notice me, but I watched the soccer dad’s corporate life flash before his eyes when he saw my face nearly pressed up against the window. I did what I usually do when I happen upon these situations - I stepped behind the car to get the tag number, pulled out my cell phone, and called 911. Soccer Dad hauled ass as fast as a Dodge Neon can go (26 m.p.h) and turned right on Wicomico Street. I guess they didn’t need directions.

I skipped having coffee this morning because ruining some junkie’s high and scaring the shit out of some suburban soccer dad is so much better than any caffeine buzz.

Unidentified Woman Identified

The unidentified woman found nude and dumped on the side of Nanticoke Street in Pigtown has an identity. On my drive home from work today, I noticed a memorial on the 1300 block of Nanitcoke Street and a flyer tied to a tree asking for information.

Rodent Pong

SSAL’s yard is so overgrown that it’s looking a lot like a rain forest. In fact, I took this picture from my office window as I was looking down into SSAL’s yard and I was frightened by what I saw. There is no option on the Baltimore City 311 service type list for lost Amazonian tribes inhabiting back yards.

Because the grass is so high in his yard, the rats have lots of cover and aren’t even the slightest bit shy about venturing out of their tunnels during daylight hours. SSAL’s yard is between my yard and Mr. Brown’s yard and Mr. Brown and I both have dogs that are obsessed with the Vietcong-esque rats trying to make their way from the tunnels of Cu Chi to the ripe garbage in the alley.

Whenever a rat creeps out into the grass, my dog and Mr. Brown’s dog start losing their minds barking at it. They run up and down along the fence, changing direction in whichever way the rat starts running. The rat, sensing one dog chasing it, scampers in a different direction only to be intercepted by the other dog. It’s just like watching Pong on an Atari 2600, except with the threat of acquiring a communicable disease. You should come over and see it with your own eyes because it’s amazing. I bet you didn’t know there was an urban version of Pong, did you?

A Way With Children and Animals

My neighbor, Mr. Brown, has quite a way with words and hurling insults - especially when they are directed at children and pets. This is why he is one of my favorite people in the world. Recently, Mr. Brown has been on fire with his heckling of small children as they ride their bikes up and down the block. The little kids love it though. They go out of their way to get Mr. Brown’s attention because if Mr. Brown insults you it means he likes you.

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Fitness Trail Symbols Redux

(This is a recycled post from a year ago, but the symbols still have absolutely no explanation.)

Walking around the Carroll Park fitness trail each day, I come across these random wooden signs that have no explanation. I assume these signs are meant to demonstrate the exercises you’re supposed to do at those locations. Then again, since this fitness trail is here in Pigtown, I can’t be 100% sure. So taking the Carroll Park fitness trail in the context of my neighborhood, I had no other choice than to interpret these signs for myself.
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The Stare

Some of you may not know this about me, but I have a superhero power - The Stare.

I suppose I’ve always known I had The Stare, but I never knew how to harness its power until I got older. Living in a place like Baltimore for so many years has helped me focus my superhero power into something I never dreamed could be so potent. Some friends and family members are familiar with The Stare and I’m told it is a little scary.

Now that the warm weather is here, people are out and about on the streets which means The Stare comes out of hibernation. Each winter, I’m always afraid I’ll lose my edge in the staring department but now I’ve come to understand that The Stare just gets stronger. What makes The Stare so powerful is the silence that goes with it. I don’t say a word to anyone on the receiving end of The Stare and this makes them extremely uncomfortable.

Flip This Crack House?

Something is going on with one of my next door neighbors, whom I’ll refer to as Sir Smokes A-Lot. I call him Sir Smokes A-Lot because he has had a crack problem since well…the dawn of crack. This is according to another neighbor who told me that Sir Smokes A-Lot has “been chasin’ that white ghost ever since I don’t know when.” Several Saturdays ago, there was a lot of banging going on in SSAL’s house, which was strange because the guy hardly ever makes a sound. We didn’t hear any screaming during or after the banging, so we figured all the noise was legit.

The next morning I was sitting in the upstairs office/back bedroom, hoping to finally reach the end of the internet, when all of the sudden there was SSAL standing on the roof of his back porch just six feet away from my window. He scared the sweet bejesus out of me! He had a cigarette dangling from his lips and appeared to be pulling the end of a dresser out of one of his windows. He was grumbling instructions to push and I heard the all too familiar screech of one of our friendly neighborhood hookers from inside of the house, “I am fuckin’ pushin’!! This fuckin’ shit is heavier ‘n fuckin’ hell!”

Baltimore: Just About to Turn Its Life Around

So the fourth attempt at having this trial finally stuck and once again the ADA let me stay out of the courtroom and sit at home on standby. It was a nerve-racking few days waiting and wondering if I’d get the call to come in and say, “Yes, I made that 911 call…anonymously.” Fortunately, I never got the call to come in because the ADA said he wanted to keep the case “as tight as possible by having only eyewitnesses come in to testify.” After three days of jury deliberation, let’s take a look at how things worked out: