While I was in graduate school, I had no free time and I denied myself pretty much everything except for red wine and microwave popcorn. For four years I didn’t have cable and I didn’t even watch the four channels I had on regular TV, except for infomercials and Elimidate. I told myself that I’d get cable or satellite once I finished my degree. What a mistake. I have been binging on satellite for almost two years and I feel my brain smoothing over. At first I was really discerning – I watched educational shows on both the Hitler History Channel and A&E. I forced myself to watch abstract documentaries on The Sundancedouche Channel hoping I’d “get it” and thereby get in touch with my inner Angry MICA Barista. Sometimes I watched PMSNBC to get in touch with the latest Cause O’ the Moment or AL-CNNJAZEERA for the Hysteria du Jour.
But then I got bored.
And I started watching reality TV.
And became overwhelmed by life’s somewhat unanswerable questions:
1. Why is everyone on Intervention white?
2. Why don’t they do a Survivor: Baltimore or Survivor: Detroit? It would be so DVR-worthy.
3. Why do I cry every time I watch L.A. Ink or Miami Ink but I don’t cry when I watch the news?
4. Does the IFC in IFC Channel stand for “It’s Fucking Condescending”?
5. Does anyone really want a Shot at Love with Tila Tequila?
6. What’s going on under Brett Michaels’ bandanna? Rather, what’s not going on? Rock of Rogaine?
7. Why do I Love New York?
8. Are Salt-n-Pepa gonna work it out?
9. Can I make it in the Ultimate Fighter? I don’t cry half as much as those bitches do.
10. What happened to Sgt. Caroline Mason from The First 48? I really love her.
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I’m thinking of upgrading to HDTV.
I am so ashamed.
Monday, November 19, 2007 at 11: 50 pm |
Damn girl. I’m so with you on 1, 2, 3, 5, and 6. I have asked myself those same questions. Add America’s Most Smartest Model (or whatever) to that list and I’m totally witchya.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007 at 8: 42 am |
I am ashamed to admit that if I find myself watching #7 that I have difficulty turning away. I can’t stand her laugh, mother, or attitude… it’s a train wreck though.
UFC is addicting. I’ve never been a boxing fan, but UFC is fun to watch and get all rowdy.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007 at 10: 28 am |
although i cannot relate to any of these questions, i do feel oddly simpatico in that i thought only my friends and i called the history channel “the hitler channel.”
Tuesday, November 20, 2007 at 10: 52 am |
I’m also with you on 1, 2, 3, 6, 7, 8. I knew that I had a reality tv problem this morning when I was flipping through the radio stations and heard a familiar voice. I was able to recognize Lori’s voice from the Real Housewives of Orange County. I think I might need an intervention. Good thing I’m white.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007 at 12: 39 pm |
I’m with you on all of those….. except I’m also obsessed with “The Hills” ….. *hangs head in shame*
Tuesday, November 20, 2007 at 1: 58 pm |
THIS is what you watch in lieu of the Simpson’s? I don’t think we can be friends anymore.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007 at 5: 10 pm |
OMG I would so win if they had a Survivor Balimore.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007 at 7: 18 pm |
Oh man I was totally watching Elimidate way back in the day and thinking of it now, it was refreshing that the girls were mostly whores who didn’t try to act like they had any class whatsoever like these boring chicks on The Bachelor do.
I’m sad because I’m never going to know what Chef Gordon Ramsay would look like on HDTV, however, his yelling, over surround sound ? Is great.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007 at 7: 45 pm |
Ha! I loved that clip from The First 48! I have wondered myself how the people who drive from the backseat aren’t just running into other cars all the time. Makes no sense to drive like that, and I’m not clear on how it’s not illegal, but I guess something that COOL can’t possibly be against the law.
We’re about to get an all new reality TV glut due to the writer’s strike, so fluff up those sofa cushions, because it’s going to be a loooooong winter.
Monday, November 26, 2007 at 6: 40 pm |
I actually was approached to be on Elimidate back in 2001 while living in the OC. Would you have been proud of me? I don’t think so. I never called the casting director back.