Laugh Track Appreciation

I’ve always thought some TV dramas would be so much better if they had a laugh track. The L Word is definitely one of those shows that could use some canned laughs to dilute all of the heavy-handed political correctness and recycled dyke drama. Tonight I was feeling inspired and decided to abuse iMovie and add a laugh track to some L Word clips just to see if the show is actually a brilliantly written comedy in disguise. What do you think?

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For the record, I know that I am unwell. If you laughed, then you’re probably unwell too.

More here and here.

Oh, and a clip from Brokeback Mountain.

Delay of Game

Today was the day I was supposed to be in court. The prosecutor called me on Tuesday and said I didn’t have to come in and sit around all day, but I had to be able to get to court in 45 minutes or less if they needed my testimony today. I just got a call from the prosecutor and, what a surprise, the case has been postponed until late January.

The first thing I wanted to know is if the defendant will remain locked up in the meantime and he said, “Yes. Definitely. You don’t have to worry about that.” The prosecutor also indicated that he’s going to try to get me removed from the case since I don’t have any real information to offer. He said, “There’s no reason you need to come in here, show your face to the defendant, and then have us not need you. I’d really rather keep you as anonymous as possible.” Thanks for that. Then he encouraged me to keep calling 911 whenever stuff happens. Sure. I told him I’ve developed carpal tunnel syndrome from calling 911 so much and that I’m about ten or fifteen 911 calls away from collecting disability. At least he got my joke. I hope I don’t get summoned for fraud.

I do have to say that my experience so far with the prosecutor, and the people in his office, has been a positive one. I’ve voiced my concerns clearly and I do feel like they’ve been heard. All of my messages have been given to him and all of my calls have been returned quickly. Perhaps it’s because of my soothing Lite FM Adult Contemporary Radio voice I use when I call that actually gets me polite service and zero attitude. Who knows.

So I won’t know until late January, which is right around my birthday, if I’m needed for this attempted murder trial. I’m hoping to get a notice from the circuit court that says:

Happy Birthday!! Wishes really do come true because you’re not needed!!

Hope you don’t hesitate to call 911 in the future!!

K.I.T.

xoxo,
Baltimore City Circuit Court

Off the Cubicle Farm for a Day

Looks like I really do have to show up live and in person and do that court thing this week. A sheriff’s deputy knocked on my door and my first thought was maybe he was looking for one of those Rent-A-Skanks that often crashes at my one neighbor’s house. We get a lot of “oops wrong door” knocks on the front door because of those women. My second thought was maybe I was finally being taken to jail for continuing to watch A Shot at Love With Tila Tequila. Anyway, he handed me the exact same summons I received in the mail a few of weeks ago and then walked down to another neighbor’s place to deliver a summons for the same thing. I guess it will be like a block party at the circuit courthouse, except different.
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My Cubicle Song of the Day:
Stop Look Listen by MC Lyte.

A Holiday Sentiment

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Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!!

Can Trouble

I don’t really spend that much time inspecting my garbage can, but the other day I noticed something new about the can that was not there on the previous trash day:

Reality Check

While I was in graduate school, I had no free time and I denied myself pretty much everything except for red wine and microwave popcorn. For four years I didn’t have cable and I didn’t even watch the four channels I had on regular TV, except for infomercials and Elimidate. I told myself that I’d get cable or satellite once I finished my degree. What a mistake. I have been binging on satellite for almost two years and I feel my brain smoothing over. At first I was really discerning - I watched educational shows on both the Hitler History Channel and A&E. I forced myself to watch abstract documentaries on The Sundancedouche Channel hoping I’d “get it” and thereby get in touch with my inner Angry MICA Barista. Sometimes I watched PMSNBC to get in touch with the latest Cause O’ the Moment or AL-CNNJAZEERA for the Hysteria du Jour.

But then I got bored.

And I started watching reality TV.

And became overwhelmed by life’s somewhat unanswerable questions:

Mystery of the Day

What is this and what happened?

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Any guesses?
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The Pride of Satan Returns

Oh God. Help me. I’m so afraid.

UPDATE: Baltimore, I Think It’s Last Call…

I actually got a return call late this afternoon from one of the prosecutors and was able to get some information about the summons I received yesterday.* I was relieved to find out that the defendant has been in jail since his arrest in June and isn’t going anywhere before the trial. I also learned that I was summoned because of the anonymous 911 call I made from my house that night. I know that no one is really anonymous when making a 911 call, but I had no idea a person could be summoned for calling. It’s no wonder people around here are so reluctant to call 911 when bullets start flying. Who wants to get involved with anything anything like this, especially when the defendant lives a block away?

*I do want to say that, in spite of all the transferred calls to different departments and different people, everyone I spoke with at the circuit court was very helpful. I can just imagine the kinds of crazy calls they get every day and I give them credit for still being able to be pleasant when someone like me calls with a hundred questions in a slightly panicked tone.

Baltimore, I Think It’s Last Call…

Because the Ugly Lights have just come on.

In today’s mail I got what I thought was another jury duty notice. You can imagine my surprise when I read that I have been summoned to appear as a witness for the state in a jury trial for a man I’ve never even heard of. I thought it was strange because I haven’t given any witness statement to the police about anything. All I’ve done is call 911 more times than I can count. You can then maybe imagine (or not) how sick I felt when I entered the case number for this trial and saw that the defendant in the trial for which I’ve been summoned has been charged with the following:

Charge No: 1 ATT 1ST DEG. MURDER
Charge No: 2 ATT 2ND DEG MURDER
Charge No: 3 ASSAULT-FIRST DEGREE
Charge No: 4 ASSAULT-SEC DEGREE
Charge No: 5 HANDGUN: USE IN COMMITTING CRIME
Charge No: 6 HANDGUN ON PERSON: CARRY/WEAR
Charge No: 7 RECKLESS ENDANGERMENT
Charge No: 8 HANDGUN ON PERSON: CARRY/WEAR
Charge No: 9 POSS OF FIREARM/AMMO/MINOR
Charge No: 10 SHOOT DISCHARGE UNK CALB HG