Last night I was in bed reading and sometime shortly after midnight I heard the familiar idling of certain car out front. I looked out of my window and there was a very familiar john waiting for his favorite rent-a-date to clock in for the night. This particular john has gotten so bold lately that he’s been getting out of his car and walking around like he lives here or something. He only does this when the people who actually live here are inside for the night.
So last night, as he was sitting outside of his car waiting, I heard a bunch of loud voices coming down the street. I got up and looked out of the window and saw a group of eight teenage boys walking over to the john while saying something to him. The group kept walking down the street for about another fifty feet and then stopped. They turned around and all eight of them bum rushed the john and started viciously beating and kicking him in the middle of the street. They pulled down his pants, turned his pockets inside out, and took his wallet. I called 911 as the beating was in progress but, of course, everyone had dispersed before I even hung up with the operator. The john got up and staggered a bit while mumbling something to himself and then got in his car and took off. I’m pretty sure he didn’t call 911. How was he going to explain the chain of events to the police or explain the missing wallet to his wife? Who cares. By the time the police arrived fifteen minutes later (record timing), no one was around at all.
This morning, as LF and I were leaving for work, we notice blood spatter all over the hood of her car and spatter on the trunk and rear bumper of mine. On top of the disgusting blood spatter, I have a crushed in rear quarter panel where someone in the group ran into my car and LF has a nice dent (with a matching hand print) in the the hood of hers. Fantastic. All because some suburban guy, who was waiting for his Washington Blvd rental ass to arrive, decided to make himself at home on our block after hours.
I’m pretty sure this particular john won’t be coming around again. He got a beating just because.
Tuesday, October 9, 2007 at 9: 46 pm |
Too bad you weren’t the one dishing it out!
Tuesday, October 9, 2007 at 10: 13 pm |
That john should pay for the damage to your and LF’s cars.
Oh, that’s right. He doesn’t have any money! Muuwahhaaa!!
Sorry, I just help thinking about what an expensive trip to Pigtown that turned out to be for him!
I hope you and LF can get your cars all fixed up without having to take out a bank loan.
Tuesday, October 9, 2007 at 10: 23 pm |
Snay: I’m glad it was other people and not us. I wouldn’t want to touch someone like that, considering the company they keep. Ew.
Anon Ann: I learned a long time ago to pay for the $0.00 deductible comprehensive car insurance. Fortunately, LF and I have a guy in the neighborhood who will fix the dents for us.
Tuesday, October 9, 2007 at 10: 40 pm |
I get that the vigilante justice brought upon this John is good for you and LF and your other neighbors.
However, it’s still disturbing to me that these 8 teenagers would viciously beat someone just because.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007 at 4: 28 am |
I’m VERY glad the guy got treated in a way that should make him avoid your neighborhood from now on (and should make explaining his injuries and wallet theft to his wife deservedly difficult), but I couldn’t help being creeped out at the vision of those kids walking past him, giving the illusion that they weren’t going to do anything to him, and then pulling a U-turn and mugging his ass after all. I guess that’s what they call lulling someone into a false sense of security. If your neighnorhood was a tv show, I would have to curl up under a blanket in the fetal position to watch it, possibly while sucking my thumb. I seriously can’t believe how much you have to deal with other people’s blood on your street, not to mention actual car damage due to all the nefarious activities.
Have I told you lately that you’re my hero? You take that shit in stride, and it amazes me.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007 at 7: 34 am |
danielle: It was very disturbing to watch that guy get tuned up like that. I still stick by what I tell people though, which is if you aren’t doing something you shouldn’t be doing, trouble doesn’t usually find you. This guy put himself out there and it was only a matter of time before something happened. Those teenagers? They don’t live here either. I’ve seen them around the neighborhood before and have called 911 whenever they attempt to set up shop on our street.
lisa e: It was really creepy. See my comment for Danielle. The damage to the cars is fixable, but it will cost us both money and the f***ing inconvenience. Awww….we’re not heroes. We’re just regular people living among regular people and all of us are trying to keep the trash off of our street.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007 at 8: 29 am |
Self cleaning oven.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007 at 10: 17 am |
mixed feelings… ergh…
why can’t those who ho be called something other than ‘john’? we’re already saddled with the ‘toilet’ thing…
Wednesday, October 10, 2007 at 11: 06 am |
I think you’re forgetting that prostitution is a victimless crime.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007 at 12: 53 pm |
This is why I always carry a 4-D cell maglite with me when I leave my house after dark. It seems like it should work really well against some hoodlum’s skull. A concealed firearm would be much better of course, but this is Maryland, can’t have law-abiding citizens defending themselves, now can we?
Wednesday, October 10, 2007 at 4: 14 pm |
I have absolutely no sympathy for that guy whatsoever. Had he been the Meals on Wheels delivery guy, sure. But a john? Nope. Don’t do the crime if you can’t take an ass-whipping, that’s MY motto. I hope to God he learned his lesson and stays the hell out of our community. Fucktard.
Thursday, October 11, 2007 at 8: 50 pm |
I’ve been thinking about this. If the hoodlums pulled the guys pants down it this might have been more personal than just your basic mugging. Perhaps that rental ass was related in someway to one of the boys, a sister or girlfriend. And if there was a great deal of blood, um, that guy might have had to head to the nearest hospital to get something sewn back on. If they didn’t know the guy they probably would have taken his car for a joy ride, they could have easily taken his keys.
Sometimes hoodlums are a good thing.
Friday, October 12, 2007 at 3: 28 pm |
I promise not to be late for work ever again. I don’t like my guys messing up your neighborhood. Sorry about that.
Friday, October 12, 2007 at 8: 32 pm |
With the post title “Bedtime Bum Rush,” I was thinking we were gonna get some fun and kinky story. Damn, damn, damn.
Sunday, October 14, 2007 at 5: 22 am |
I wonder if SirCumsALot is going to post a warning on that johns message board. It might slow down the ho traffic on your street until next Tuesday.