Mailbox Stink Bomb

I just got a catalog in the mail from a certain department store and inside of it were perfume samplers. Let’s just say that I was not expecting to get punched in the face by the perfect storm of stink when I opened it. My eyes immediately started itching and snot came pouring out of my nose by the pint. It’s kind of like getting maced, but with a department store flare. I’ve documented some of my perfume allergy drama in the past and if anyone reading this wears any of the following colognes or perfumes, I promise not to pass judgment on you…at least not to your face. I’ll be too busy slipping on my own snot as I run for a box of Kleenex.
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Ralph Lauren’s ‘Romance’
JAYsus, Mary, and Joseph…if this is what romance smells like then I need to be single. Immediately.

Ralph Lauren’s ‘Black and Blue’
Two snot-inducing scents for the price of one. My olfactory senses have been beaten black and blue by these rancid colognes. Apparently mixing Black + Blue = Snot Green. I learn something new everyday.

Estee Lauder’s ‘Pleasures’
It was my pleasure throwing this sickening sampler in the trash. Can roses putrefy? I don’t know. But I now know they can definitely smell that way.

Donna Karan’s ‘Cashmere Mist’
Not bad, actually. I almost mist this one in the sampler stink pile because it was the least offensive. It’s a manageable odor at a safe distance.